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Things You Won't Hear a Woman Say

1. You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me. 2. I know I'm sore and my parents are in the other room, I still want you right now! 3. This porno scene is boring, fast forward to the gang bang. 4. Don't get up, I kinda like sleeping in the wet spot. 5. Don't dirty up your T-shirt wiping that up, use my blouse. 6. That was fun, when will all of your friends be over to watch pornos again? 7. I bet it would be kinky to watch you with our baby-sitter Tracy. 8. You're my daddy! You're my daddy! 9. The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday. 10. Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one! 11. While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal they'll still cover. 12. Bar food again!? Kick ass. 13. I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class. 14. That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her. 15. I love hearing stories about your old girlfriends, tell me more. 16. I like using this new lawn mower so much more than the old one, what a wonderful Valentine's day gift! 17. Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore. 18. I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em? 19. It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers. 20. Honey, come here! Watch me do a Tequila shot off of Chuck's bare ass! 21. My mother is going to take care of the tab, so order another round for you and your friends. 22. I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again. 23. I love when my pillow smells like your cigars and scotch. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, ya' big silly! 24. You are so much smarter than my father. 25. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch Sportscenter.

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