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Things to Say at Work

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK....... BUT CAN'T! Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again... I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!? Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...? Do I look like a people person? This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. If I throw a stick, will you leave? I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? How do I set a laser printer to stun? I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.

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