The talking clock
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.
"Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied.
"How does it work?" "Watch",
the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed,
"For fuck's sake, you wanker, it's 2 am in the fucking morning!!"