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Rectum Stretcher

Bob was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge at about 90mph. Wouldn't you know a cop jumped out and clocked him with radar. Bob pulled over like a good citizen; recalling Rodney King and recent illegal alien incidents. The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, BOY?"



Bob thought for a second and asked, "Uhh, over 55?"
"93mph son! 93mph in a 55 zone!"
"But if you already knew, officer" replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"



Ignoring Bob, the officer continued, in his normal charming fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!"



The cop took a good look at Bob and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have a good, well paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, and with the smell of day old donuts on his breath, said, "What kind of a job would a bum like you have?"



"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Bob.
"What you say, BOY?" asked the patrolman.
"I'm a rectum stretcher!"
Of course the cop asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?"
Bob explained, "People call me up and say they want to be stretched, so I go over there and start with a couple of fingers, then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I pull them farther and farther apart until it's six feet across."



The cop, absorbed with the images in his mind, let down his guard and asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?"



Bob nonchalantly commented, "You give it a radar detector and stick it at the end of a bridge!"

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© 2000-2006 Peter R. Sadlon
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